Battle against Battle

This is the first fog, and its leaving mist outside on this windowpane. Does it hurt when you place, your face against the window? Probably so. So, why can't some human being express all their feeling, and only rely on just one. I am no ventriloquist. But, I will speak underneath my breath, when no one wants to hear me. I am wrong for doing so? No, so why don't you just leave me alone. People make assumptions all the time, and base off of those assumptions: Some of its pretty dang gone true. So, here a little history about me, and me alone you see. I have a learning disability, and no I'm not using it as an ATTENTION seeker! Yes! this is absolutely true, what your about to read, is what I go through. My communication isn't all that great, I am able to understand some words to some degree. But, don't use that opportunity to pick with me. All I really need is a clearer understanding of the picture you see. Plus, if you have read my story, or even been around me, you would also know: I have Hypothyroidism. And I shall educate you on my symptom, if you may ask. But, I will share it with you anyway. And just like my disability, I am not using it as a ATTENTION seeker, you just have to really understand me. Hypothyroidism, is clearly a Thyroid condition. No its not a contractible disease. So, you can't catch it, if you were to sit next to me. Hypothyroidism, is a under active thyroid, which mimic's other symptom's. Like, Fibromyalgia and other symptoms of its own. So, I will have days were, I am extremely tired and just want to rest. And days were my body is, completely in pain. But, I still move the best that I can---I am the warrior that I am. Despite, Fatigue,Increased sensitivity to cold,Constipation,Dry skin,Weight gain, Puffy face,Hoarseness,Muscle weakness, Elevated blood cholesterol level, Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness,Pain, stiffness or swelling in my joints, Heavier than normal or irregular menstrual periods, Thinning hair,Slowed heart rate, Depression, Impaired memory and Mood swing. Therefore, before you start lashing out at me, come try a day or two in my shoes--- my life is not easy as it seems. But, I do my best to understand and live the best way I can. So, if I stumble upon my words, or try to speak the best way I can. Try to place your head around, my daily life, before shut me down. So, with theses two things, is really a constant battle for me. And all I really need is patience, which is a must clearer understanding.

On the arises

Sometimes I really begin to question myself. Like, is this life I am living worth, all the pain am I enduring? And those who claim to love for me, do you really love me for me, or is this a front...you put on tons of make-up, just to cover up. And create a ton of lies without, seeing things with your own eyes. I am working on space and, it will eventually have a solution. So, are you with me, or are you with someone else? I had too many opportunities to work things out. But, you have brought this upon yourself. And trying to break every glass bottle over my head. Therefore, I will only have three wishes, I shall work truly hard for. And I am no longer sharing them until they finally fall through---I see true evilness and, no I will not deal with that. So, if I choose to remove myself from the picture, and stay silent to myself, just leave me be---when I did try to speak, you didn't want to hear from me. But, I am not going to worry about that...God is taking care of you. And he knows who was right, and who was wrong. Now its time for me to continue being me, so I can keep on keeping on. And once I finally reach my goal, sorry honey... was that? you were the one in the wrong. I shall dance proudly with the lyrics in my head... I am finally reaching that dream goal. And when my face is truly drenched in sweat, there goes my true earning. So, I shall wear my earnings proud... you didn't have any faith in me. But, what does that matter, I poured out true blood and sweat. And now you want, what I have been working for. My earnings are golden. So, Hollywood is there room, just for one more star... I already know my day is coming, and I am going to shine. And to all those naysayers: who chose to believe I shall remain stuck, and trying to hold me back from my dreams: I am like a kite flying without no stings. I have held on for such a long time, I am done trying to prove multiple things to others, who want to hold me back...they feel it's necessary for them. But, I am not a plastic doll that you, can prop up and move around. Like, Polly pocket. So, don't keep trying to hinder me from seeing my dreams... I know that day will eventually come when you are going to want dough from me. And all those times time will come running through my head, like if it was yesterday. So, I will just have to lay silent and listen to my intuition...I only know what is best for me. And with that being said: I am on the arises to my pot of gold.🏆

Silent Passenger

Some nights I am woken out of my sleep, and I am scared as hell. So, I topically let my mind begin to wander, what the hell is going wrong with me. Now, I believe it's my mind telling: me its about that time to leave. But, there are a few things, holding me back you see. And I am doing my mental homework, to figure it all out you see. I just don't know how many times, I truly have to stress about not wanting to be here. And continue to hold up like, everything is okay with me, when I know my gut instinct is telling me its time to leave. But, I truly have to think, in the place of my son...I have to find a place that will accept the both of us. So, I can't just up and leave him behind...I truly love him you see, and he really means the world to me. This is my time to remain humble and, work on this master plan...I don't see myself living here much longer. And only a few will, only understand me, or at least I hope they do...all I have is them to rely on. Therefore, I am truly deep into my thoughts and remaining focus here... once I feel as though, I have built up enough courage and strength, I will leave with: a very well written thank you note. And I will know that, it won't just be my gut instinct anymore...I have many good angel's above me, who will be guiding me through this. So, I am remaining silent until the right storm hits, and that when I will have my things ready to leave. But,until then I will won't say one word.

Black Glass

My heart is in pain, and I don't think, I'll ever be the same. Broken red and white roses on the floor, do I ever mean anything to you anymore? Your tears don't mean shit to me, you once said to me. But, this soul is severely depress, and I honestly don't think you get that yet. So, I will remain stagnant in this space, where I know I am safe---I really have reached my final stay here. And no I'm not talking about death, I just need to really contemplate, on this stage of my life...I am done with living in toxicity. So, I guess I am all alone on this now. But, I must act fast... for many years, you have shown signs of an abuser. And keeping things silent isn't healthy at all. Therefore, I will continue to reach out the best way I can. You can't continue to keep hurting me, and expect me to be nice. Especially, if I am trying to do things right. So, I can move on with my life. You are the reason why, I am limited, and that's wrong. But, you keep planting theses visions in everyone's head, and I am like hell to the no. I am just through here--- your blinded and stuck in your ways. So, I am seriously putting my thoughts together, and I am leaving very soon.

A story from an Angel

The colors in the sky are so radiate that, velvet can't even match it. I am no puppeteer. But, I do know how to pull some strings... I took what I have learned, and use it to my advantage. But, to others they think, I am dumb. I am pretty darn smart you see, and there is no need to make fun of me. And yes Math is a constant struggle for me. But, some how I mange to pass it, to get to where I am. But, I will show every last naysayer, what I am all about. So, if you keep going at the rate, your going, I will promise you that, your road won't be long. Now, I don't understand why, I can't even speak out, when others are trying to hide their own damage. Yes this has been going on for multiple years. But, I see others pick and choose, why they even get to speak. But, when it comes to me, I am told: your not thinking logically. You must not really know me...for years I have always had this problem. So, this is not something new with me. I might as well go ahead and, spill all the beans... the truth will always set you free. Its not like I have recurrent memories. Like, some people have, I remember through their constant stories. So, when those stories are being repeated, how can you not forget it. See I believe in women giving birth to demon children, and I have seen it plenty of times. But, I will say this much, your going to need more than an exorism to release that demonic entity out. Why you shouldn't had been playing with matches, when you where younger. And now your going to get burn. I am not sorry for spilling out any hidden secrets, on this floor. Like, they always say: aways better out than in. So, thank God the truth will be relieved. And I will not feel ashamed, if I come across that demon name. But, I fear it will come after me. So, I am not going to write it's name down, on paper you see, nor will you try to change me. You can go right ahead and believe, every word a child says. But, don't come trying to borrow my ear, to place dirt in...I really don't want to hear. So, the moral of the story is: you are quick to believe in rumours, that a demon child has told. But, when a child of God step into the room, you quickly want to shut them down. God knows his powers can't get shut down. And a lie can't continue to hide forever. So, here is where this story shall end--- God knows the truth lie's within. Therefore, you can keep spreading fire. And when that moment you thought, you were free, don't come calling for me...I have told you plenty of time. So, don't come pointing your finger at me.

Breathe

My blood is beyond, my shadow of wisdom. And I only know the truth... it will set me free. You try to build up your self esteem...you know that's your weakest point. But, it never seems to fail, when you are constant struggling...at this point it becomes a game to others. Yes! I am quite emotional sometimes, and I have the right to be. God has made me with, feeling and I won't hide them from no one. You can take my tears as a sign of weakness. But, we shall see where your name calling will take you. God is our father and he see everything. So, while your trying to feed into my past, to hinder my future, God is watching over me and you. And he will deal with you according. I see no time in trying to talk, if all you get back is, more hurtful words. So, I shall remain silent and keep on hanging in there. But, I won't stand for bullying... its a sign of a coward. And we shall see were that take you. Like, Dwayne Dryer said: How people treat you, is there Karma. But, how you react is your. I won't feed into your pot of stew...I know your words are no good for me. So, I have my own pot healthy stew cooking. And soon your gonna come running... you want my worth. Therefore, I will just throw my hands up, and give you no signs of affection... You have hurt me so deeply. And I will soon be on my way...all you really want from me, is what I have worked hard for. So, if silence has not killed you, with letting you know that: what others have earned, doesn't belong to you... Its theirs and they need to make a living. And I will continue to write... this is my true therapy. And I won't hold onto your negativity. So, I am sailing away from you. Like, a true sailor would do... for many years, I have been trying to separate myself from you. But, you make it seem like, I am the needy one. I won't be a parasite that, you can become super rich off of. I am my own individual. Despite, the things that want to hinder me. Therefore, my Disability don't make me, even though, its my daily struggle. And I do tend to hurt from it. So, I am going to keep being who I am. And if anyone wants to make fun of it, we shall see where that leads you... I am trying my damnedest to push through these walls. So, I can make it into a history book. So, my shadow of wisdom, will be far and beyond.

Soul Connection

Its 5 AM and the sun has not risen yet. But, this feeling you left on my heart is complicated. I am seriously in tears, figuring out what the hell, I did wrong here. We must get together and see eye to eye. But, how can we, if whenever I try to speak, you keep closing me in. I knew the moment, I laid my eyes on you, you were the one for me. But, their was an age gap that, set us too far apart. So, it has been over some years that, this heart is still searching for its whole. May I ask you, are you the one to complete me, or are you the one to: leave my heart crushed like an eggshell? I am not looking to rush into, a committed relationship to quickly. So, either you are on the same page, and get to one another first, or get your last notification...I am in no rush for commitment. Therefore, I know within time, you will not be so hard to find. Your heart is not bleeding as of yet. But, soon your heart will truly find, the one it was meant to be. And just maybe it will be my heart, that will stop the bleeding. 💖