Numb

 Can I sob right here-- not many will ever understand me. I do try  to the best of my ability to speak. But, it's being taken in the wrong fashion. So, how can I break it down into words, I guess you won't ever know... its you that don't want to understand. So, I'll put it into words here. 

  I have said this for years, difficulty speaking to people. And to others don't want to try to understand this problem. I rather not balance like I should, nor try to put out any flames. Damn life was better when things were kept in silence, even though, it was causing me pain internally.

 am I wrong for finding a place to rid the pain away, through others eyes they take it that way.  

 Poetry is my greatest escape to a place, a mind that holds on to physical pain you didn't want to listen to. Don't get me wrong I indulge in happiness, and happiness is the biggest escape ever. And you hear these words too. Therefore, poetry is my mental and physical therapy, a place that allows me speak without judgement. I have times where pain needs a dose of talk therapy, to help clear this thought process. So, I can begin to feel like myself again.

Victory!

    Here we are standing with determination at the starting line, we all have the same adrenaline rush flowing through our veins the minute the announcer says Go! I'm an athlete with one goal in mind, only one person can reach that finish line.

     There's something uniquely special about every athlete here. despite their disabilities and I can't put my finger on it. 

Is it their smile waiting for the announcer to say the magic word? 

Is it their mindset, in how they think about the game and, how they're going to play?  I really don't know.  I can only speak for myself in how I will play the game. 

  So, here I go creating a checklist: Bowling shoes, Check, Bowling gloves to get a good grip, Check, and of course a bowling ball with a bowling bag, are all checked off this checklist. 

    Now I'm standing front in the center at the bowling lane, making sure the ball does not come out of the gutter, doing my darndest not to hit a spare. So, I slowly ease my fist up toward my mouth with a slight bend in my knee because this is about to become my victory hit.