Through The Storm

    Have you read "Twilight"? No! not Stephanie Meyers, Edward Cullen, and  Isabella "Bella" Swan.  This Twilight https://thepoetryvine.blogspot.com/2019/05/twilight.html is a poem that leads to a dark depressing path. And I'm being completely honest with you these feelings really have not stopped.

     Please do let me explain because I get shunned or get made fun of Like if I have entered into a contest. dealing with medical conditions that have symptoms of depression is no joke and I happen to deal with one. Hypothyroidism, I'll leave it to you to research because I have written a poem already on that. 
  
    I'll give you a piece of Twilight if you did not click on the link, and these words are not in any particular order. Here comes the rain of tangible tears and shattered hearts from a soul who needs to heal. My heart is very fragile and I'm battling this sadness no one seems to know. 
 

    I find myself in this space again at times and this time I fear showing the tears, or I'll hide it with a smile from time to time. This isn't who I really am.  I went through something horrific that I have no recollection of anything that has happened. Let me just share this, it left me hoarse.  And before that, I had uncomfortable moments at night. And I'm still in that predicament.

     Some day's I sit because I'm already dealing with physical pain and some see that. I can not walk for long periods of time, otherwise, I will be in more pain than ever. Then there is more pain buried deep in this heart. This pain is personal and it's not something that can ever go away.
 
     I don't need no me too and I'm not talking about the hashtag me too. 
    I don't need anyone judging me or giving me any sense of competition because, throughout my life, I've gotten just that. Simply just stop and listen to me. I should not have to lose my voice, a voice that was given to me by God.  A simple reason my words have turned in and I have turned shy to the outside world. So, if you can not tell the way this is going, I'm pouring out all my pain because this is the only way I can find relief.  

Poetry Corner:

 This poem touches base on dealing with depression.

Disability Pride

    What does Disability mean to society? The inability to do something.

What does Disability mean to you? The ability to do something because people in society do not want to see your capability.

Let's take Dis, to a person with a disability and have them arrange the meaning behind Dis.

Society, You see Dis as an inability.

We see our Dis as Determinate, Independent, and Smart. And we're here to educate those about our abilities because it's not about how you see our disability.

 

🌹Spiritual Guidance🌹

        For the past few days, my heart has felt heavy, and I have felt other people's pain. I have drawn tears and sat in silences. giving respect to all who have passed on to the next rim of light.

You are not here in physical form like we would like to always see you. And, we will always know the sound of your voice, and the essence you have always carried with you will always be your sign to let us know, you are always right there with us.

It's okay to show tears and it's okay to voice yourself when you are alone, I'll always be here to listen and to guide you even though I'm so far away, we will all meet again someday. So, until then I'll be your sunshine when you are feeling gloomy inside, just know I'll be right there by your side. I'm here with God and helping him to help protect you.

Invisible Pain

Can anyone hear me out there when this pain is excruciating. Like, there is no tomorrow and all I rather do is lie still because no one around me will ever get to know what this pain begins to feel like. I want to sit in silence and listen to the voice's inside my head because these voices are the only beings that can really understand me.

 This body can predict the weather before it hits, don't ask, it just does. I want to lie still bundled up underneath tons of cover's. Like, Antarctica came rushing through. I'm drained as Hell physically and Mentally at times, you ought to see me sometimes walking like a zombie during the daytime though. This body goes through so much pain physically and at times can't pinpoint which angle it's coming from.  Is this a do or die Hypothyroidism party, or Osteoporosis pain? Gland to bone must really throw a grand celebration.  
  hypothyroidism you drain me to there's no end, sending this body on a wacked out ride, putting this mind in a complicated state. Chronic emotions no one will ever get the memo because this body is definitely going through some mood swings.

  Snap, Crackle and Pop where is the milk, bones are lacking thy essentials because here comes Hypothyroidism stealing the bones thunder. So, this body is really physically confused and motivation is desperately draining. This body needs a physical and mental push to stay up float. Therefore, can I let out a silent cry, and please don't ask why because you won't ever get it. Change of weather hits and this body is really in pain, I can't tell if it's Hypothyroidism mimicking signs of Fibromyalgia, or osteoporosis causing osteoarthritis. Damn this body is feeling it these days and I just want to lie here and allow it to run it course.

Uneasy

 

I want to wake up one day feeling no need for walking on broken glass, for many years I have fought for freedom that some people choose not to see because they're very closed-minded. Have you ever tried to speak and get shut down very quickly? this is my communication pain and need a serious solution to rid this pain away. 

 I'm an individual with an educational story to tell, some stories are in book format and other are spoke in plain sight. Behind these close door stand's a brilliant young woman, a person who will away wear their heart on their sleeves. There is some bitter confusion that really eats at this heart. So, it's always better out than in. How do you deal with a force of jealousy and no this isn't me? 

  I have no tolerance for this behavior and I can't really sleep like I used to. I lying in a space that's really making me very uncomfortable, I can't tolerate this behavior of evilness, another Cinderella story expect the is no horse-drawn carriage, or a prince to sweep this person away. Waking up should feel very rewarding without feeling frigid weather down your back with a windstorm of unkind words. So, why feed someone negative words and create division filled with lies? This is really causing more than pain in an individual, psychological evaluation is needed desperately! Is there really anyone out there who can relate to this? come reach out to this positive heart.

Numb

 Can I sob right here-- not many will ever understand me. I do try  to the best of my ability to speak. But, it's being taken in the wrong fashion. So, how can I break it down into words, I guess you won't ever know... its you that don't want to understand. So, I'll put it into words here. 

  I have said this for years, difficulty speaking to people. And to others don't want to try to understand this problem. I rather not balance like I should, nor try to put out any flames. Damn life was better when things were kept in silence, even though, it was causing me pain internally.

 am I wrong for finding a place to rid the pain away, through others eyes they take it that way.  

 Poetry is my greatest escape to a place, a mind that holds on to physical pain you didn't want to listen to. Don't get me wrong I indulge in happiness, and happiness is the biggest escape ever. And you hear these words too. Therefore, poetry is my mental and physical therapy, a place that allows me speak without judgement. I have times where pain needs a dose of talk therapy, to help clear this thought process. So, I can begin to feel like myself again.

Hearts attraction

Here come the rain but you will not catch me fall, I speak with my voice, and it's nothing but the truth. And not many people will ever get, how sincere my heart and soul is, until they see and hear with their own eyes and ears. So, I might as well  keep myself at peace and allow you to see things on your own.
 lately I've felt through the ringer, frustrated with multiple things in this mind. And I bear not to speak because competition will be at my feet. My life is nothing to battle over, it is what it is and there's nothing really special about it. So, please hold back on the me too and learn to just listen to me speak. Not many people don't understand when I speak, anxiety is clearly in view. But, it's really there because of you. Social anxiety keeps kicking my butt, and I always had trouble with speaking so it's nothing new.
  I'm out for the semester but this head is running on turbo to finish what I've started and, I'm not the type to drop out on anything, if my heart is holding stuck on doing something, you better believe this heart will go after it. College is definitely challenging me, and with that causing mental pain that most won't understand. So, I'm dealing with how to get my foot back in those doors because I have a goal from day one, and if you can clearly see I'm not done yet.
Here my mental status and its nothing sweet, I'm smart as a bee. But, there are a few hornets nest that's laying in my way. Some are clearly in disguise and, I can clearly see right through them. So, I'll hold a tough smile and keep on moving because I know what you're after and this is my life. So, let this woman get to the finish line.

Pleat

  I'm looking up towards the clouds, knowing that where pain is no longer pain. And that doesn't really ease the pain. Therefore, I try to throw it out like a deck of cards. These words are not coming out clearly as they should, words flowing out like a child scribbling on paper. I'm not doing well. How did you miss it?

  This person who stands in front of me is emotionally broken. So, here I go writing every scene like it's a murder mystery and it's not in any particular order. She's twelve years old and standing alone, at least she thought until a group of people came bullying her for the use of her locker. 

Ugh the bullying entourage. Therefore, she opens her mouth to speak and the bullying entourage refuses to listen. listen clearly, Someone unexpected, spoken twice which alerted the principal. 

 She's always being pulled out of her comfortable zone. And she goes into a complete verbal shut down with a hint of fear hidden behind it. Don't ever get her wrong when she does speak because these words are true.

Communicating is her difficulty and it's for her place to put these things in words.

 She's finally an adult now and still dealing with emotional discomfort. Can she find her way out of feeling this way? She has found her escape in getting these words out. But, she still struggles with it at times. Like the lines in making a sharp crease in a pair of Jeans.

❤️ Open heart ❤️

  This is my heart prayer...this organ has been yearning for  years and sometimes it bring me to tears, reaching out for freedom without any human attachments. My girl,Kelly Clarkson, song it in her debut album,Thankful.
  I know some won't understand how this heart truly feels. And trying to speak up about it has become quite hard. So, if you don't understand how this heart feels, this will be the best time to express it, I'm a capable human being. But, its the fear of others who can't see pass my disability, no matter how hard I try, they seem to stay blindsided. This isn't my fear at all...I know what I'm capable of. So, there are times this heart knows, what it's up against. But, words don't want to be heard, nor watch from the sideline, to that I'm capable.
  Independent this heart screams, move back like you just entered a crime scene, I'm fully capable and can do things on my own. And just in case you didn't know, suffocation, is the best way to describe this.
  I need to be physically set free... this is really affecting me mentally. And this is how my heart truly feels... for years I have become someone else shadow.
  

💕Family love 💕

  Let me ask you this, why spread lies like peanut butter and jelly. And causing pain like no other amongst hearts of pedigree. I see the slytherin inside of you, and anxiety is on the rise, you can't stop this blood from talking to my true blood. My true blood is who I stand close by...if their hearts are in pain, you better believe I'll be quick to feel it. So,let me tell you this, jealousy can't be easily hidden away, nor can you try to hide it...it will have its way of coming out 

Pulse

   Here comes the rage against the fire, and this really has my heart numb---with every word that flows, there is no solid evidence. So, am I the only one who can't  douse out the flames. Especially, when it you who's the in pain. 

I will remain faithful and, stand as high as I can--- these eyes can definitely read the book of evil eyes.  your heart is made of fire. So, I know you will remain strong and, I know the truth is lying out there---right now this is the forbidden chapter. And you won't stand alone on this one. If dandelions can kill the grass, you can find your spark to drown out the evilness of those unfaithful stories.

Biography heart

  

This is a true story of the heart: it holds compassion for others and self, easily misjudged in many ways. So, voicing becomes not easy to some--- they have their own vision of this heart. I'm done pretending everything is fine, deep down inside. So, I have found my way of healing...I know what is right for this soul.

I have gone through a lot, and I'm still going through more, and honestly, I just want to literally mentally and physically escape from it all... this heart can't beat the same anymore. I know who cut this person that, I'm today, but mentally and physically, I see where I need to be. But, not many see these intentions of mine. So, they rather mentally pick at me to see a reaction, pulling things out about themselves, just to pin it on me. I'm now at my end and I am barely speaking, and I have alright... this heart treat's everyone the same. 😭

  This heart has always felt compassion a sense of jealousy from others. So, this isn't made up to tickle your fancy. This heart is pure and will remain pure. This is my heart biography❣️

Lean on me

Some days I feel like I'm losing it. And in the very back of my mind, I know everything is going just fine. But, that nagging voice utters otherwise. So, I reach out for support, the one I can truly count on, to make sure this voice is correct.

  Today is like no other day, I'm still smiling. But, I know there definitely is a shadow behind me. I chug up the tears because to others it's a sign of weakness.

 Can I walk where there are trees?...I know they can truly ease away my pain.

  Can I reach my hand out? Like to play tug-a-war, only there is no tugging back.

 

  Can you tell me that you will be there any time of day when I really need you? Some can consider this to be selfish. But, in reality we all need that one shoulder to lean on because this pain can become unbearable at times.

 

   So, Can I count on you to be there, when I need someone to lean on?

 I need to feel like the wind can lift me because all the weight has left me. But, do know that both my feet are still on the ground?

 
 
  

Center

  In life you will come across puddle.

  In life you will come across steeps.

  In life you will come across happiness.

  In life you will come across pain.

  And when all else fail, find your inner peace and come back to reality.

 You get to choose, your reaction and how you respond.

 And this is my response to pain, being calm, now you can do the same.

Inseparable heart

This  heart is too damn contiguous, it loves to easily, looking for that special someone... this heart is not meant to be alone. I live in a state that needs to escape. So, where is the rhythm that can make this heart stay in tune.
Hearts with similar traits, is exactly what this heart needs, someone who  looks pass the outer shell is what this heart is yearning for.
  

Carolina road

Baby doll come lie your head down on daddy shoulder now, and allow your tears to take over...pain isn't for you to hold onto

And just so you know, daddy sure does love you. 

daddy sure does love you

daddy sure does love you

daddy sure does love you

    I'm walking into a low-key bar, asking can I get a shot of whiskey and rum, with the scent of your perfume on my coat, ha-ha the bartender turned around and said: who are you kidding now. Its me your sweet old baby girl. Like, the scent of my cigarettes couldn't cover up, what scent was left on your jacket now.

  So, she winked and turned, and smiled sarcastically and said: who is daddy's little girl now...the sent on your jacket sure as hell ain't mines.

  I never thought once in a blue moon, I would ever catch you here, nor would you be the one to serve me, whisky and rum. Now I guess it's time to call shot-gun... daddy sure does love you. So, I guess I'll order up  one more round of whiskey and rum, before I walk out on you now.

Daddy never thought to do you wrong. But, I shall take all the blame for, the hell I've done to you. So, I won't get that last kiss goodnight, nor a good hug good-bye.

 I want you to always know, daddy always will love you forever...you are these strings to my guitar. So, this is my last goodbye... daddy sure does love you.

daddy sure does love you.

... daddy sure does love you.

 So, I guess I will not be taking you home tonight.

Sierra

  Have you ever sat and wondered about life and why your heart is still beating? This is a road no one should ever take; it's the devil's Russian roulette.

Tears upon tears and scars upon scars, this is sure to be one hell of a ride. This bridge shall burn because this soul holds on to hurtful memories. And it just can't take it anymore. So, here comes the voice of who I'm going to be... It's that time of year when I'm going to break free. So, I don't care who you are, or what you want from me... I have held back far too long, and now it's all about my destiny. Therefore, it's time for me to choose my destiny. 

 Sierra I don't mean to hurt you. But, this heart isn't made of gold; it breaks quite easily and holds on to things. Like a European viper when it has enough. So, I won't stick around for your deepest apologies. I have heard it all once before. 

Here are the simplest things I deeply need from you: I'm done with having my heart bleed out on the floor. This heart is calling out for independence. But you want to keep my heart tethered to the chain.Now I'm thinking about leaving... this heart is bleeding furiously. So, Sierra doesn't need to hear any more apologizes... I have heard these words all before. I just need to pack my things and go.

Soulmate

I hold your pictures close to my heart... distance is really tearing me apart. I'm wishing to see and hear, your blue eyes and sweet voice Serenade me again.
 I'm missing those days sitting out on the porch, with my head lying against your shoulder. And the smell of freshly made breakfast, and clean linen waffling in the air. Please only tell me this is only a dream, and I'll  find my match in heaven some day... I'm looking for my blue eye soul. Please do tell me: you're out there looking for your brown eyes honey... either skin complexion matters to you and me.
 It's the continuous flow of the heart and soul, that draws my connection to you. And I know you feel the same way too. So, I hope you are having the same vision too, a soul that doesn't see on the outter appearance. But, only looks from the inside out... that's what draws us close. 

Creative Mind and Soul

I could only imagine what abandonment feel like, a hole left in the ground, never to come back to cover it up, it's like a deep open cut sore. How can I place creativity in this mix? Creativity is always on the surface. Like, thoughts are away flowing, some come in as good and bad, this is how creativity can be taken in a nutshell, thoughts thrown on paper, canvas anything you name. These are expression turned into creativity, through the mind and soul.

Poetry Corner:

I want to help open your eyes, on what you have finished reading.First I want to say that, Creative Mind and Soul is a group of mines, and its based on all kinds of creativity. Like, Film, Screenwriter, writing in general, if you have the talent, you can be creative. So, this poem is about looking at an object, or seeing something different, and how it can be seen as the same. If that actually makes sense to you, I hope it does.

Connect

  Today and everyday, let's be connected at heart, let go of your difference for a moment, just to be able to listen to each other. We all operate the same way. So, why can't we stop to listen, rather than break down the wall, of someone else life, or belief.
 I speak on different levels to my understanding...a heart can become wounded, if you can't find the courage to speak. And once you have found your courage, stand up proud and become your own voice. The voice of others has a significant place, called Love. And it should comes from within self, and who are we to judge someone else, if you can't see for yourself.
  America is separated because there's is no direct contact, war between war, put down those guns that's for sure. And learn how to speak again...this is how we can make America great again.