Devine

 

I see spirit's from time to time and it really irks me, some are walking within living souls driving other living souls insane. Can we breathe in silence and exhale without pain. Avoidance can become quite hard for most of them, while others play life-like a deck of cards, pulling out all the jokers straight-handed.  

  I dare you not to nod your head in agreement nor disagreement stay completely still with your ears wide open.  Lucifer plays with fire and waiting for you to get burned. He is here to watch your sin. Like, the jokers that are on the table, they're not there to see you win. Lost for lost is their game. 

  Can we scream for victory when it rains, I'm done with the constant barriers placed by the non-believer, throwing out their beliefs about what they see for you. I speak upon the truth and will take my words to war. So, Lucifer can sit in between the fire he has created and watch God's earthly angels soar for victory because we're number one. 

Numb

 Can I sob right here-- not many will ever understand me. I do try  to the best of my ability to speak. But, it's being taken in the wrong fashion. So, how can I break it down into words, I guess you won't ever know... its you that don't want to understand. So, I'll put it into words here. 

  I have said this for years, difficulty speaking to people. And to others don't want to try to understand this problem. I rather not balance like I should, nor try to put out any flames. Damn life was better when things were kept in silence, even though, it was causing me pain internally.

 am I wrong for finding a place to rid the pain away, through others eyes they take it that way.  

 Poetry is my greatest escape to a place, a mind that holds on to physical pain you didn't want to listen to. Don't get me wrong I indulge in happiness, and happiness is the biggest escape ever. And you hear these words too. Therefore, poetry is my mental and physical therapy, a place that allows me speak without judgement. I have times where pain needs a dose of talk therapy, to help clear this thought process. So, I can begin to feel like myself again.

Victory!

    Here we are standing with determination at the starting line, we all have the same adrenaline rush flowing through our veins the minute the announcer says Go! I'm an athlete with one goal in mind, only one person can reach that finish line.

     There's something uniquely special about every athlete here. despite their disabilities and I can't put my finger on it. 

Is it their smile waiting for the announcer to say the magic word? 

Is it their mindset, in how they think about the game and, how they're going to play?  I really don't know.  I can only speak for myself in how I will play the game. 

  So, here I go creating a checklist: Bowling shoes, Check, Bowling gloves to get a good grip, Check, and of course a bowling ball with a bowling bag, are all checked off this checklist. 

    Now I'm standing front in the center at the bowling lane, making sure the ball does not come out of the gutter, doing my darndest not to hit a spare. So, I slowly ease my fist up toward my mouth with a slight bend in my knee because this is about to become my victory hit. 

 

   

Journey just got real

This goes out to the public...you can clearly see me. 

  My eyes maybe hidden behind these shades. And nothing but positive goals running through this mind. Anyone who choose to stare at me for long periods of time, trying their darnest to pick out flaws, I simply got words for you. 

  I ain't got time to drown on your sunk in ship, I rather rise high and beyond. If you want to flooded these ears with a bunch of negativity, I'll let you know I don't have no time nor space for that. You can flood many ears with that... I have dreams and goals. So, I'll carry my life remote with me... I know there will be plenty of negative people who don't have clear intention of me. 

 If you are not on my side in seeing, what I'm truly capable of, I won't stand still just to make you happy. 

My Journey

There is something I truly need to get off my chest, and I'm truly proud of this accomplishment. I woke up a few weeks ago. Like, I haven't even thought about lifting up an eyelid, ha ha ha, very funny I must say. Don't mind me that's the nerd inside of me. So, I pour myself a glass of punch... This chic don't sip on liquid courage.

Oops I poured too much. But, it never so hard to shallow with a door wide open.

  I have moments where I completely felt drained. So, I clearly drain out every sound just to listen to the voice inside my head.

  Can I get to my destination, or will I ever find peace? Theses two questions always resonate in the back of my mind, until I begin to see everything fall into place.

  Dreams only come when you put forth the effort, and I have done that for some time now. Therefore,  two opportunities came knocking and,  you bet I kept walking. Now it looks like I'm hitting the road. 

Unwritten tears

  There are many stories that's been written, and some are pretty clear to see. But, do you really hear any written about me. Conceitedness isn't my thing, I keep it cool and I keep it clean. Some may beg to differ because I try to avoid all conflict. So, finding the space to distance myself can become hard. Especially, if you can clearly understand what I'm dealing with, day in and day out, pills after pills I'm just clearly through. 

 I keep the liquid in my cup pretty clean, ha ha ha that should say something about me. If you get words that float like oil, its time to check your source... I only speak nothing but the truth. 

  I'm in my head trying to figure all this out, this life called freedom--dealing with attachment is hurting. So, if you walk into a smoked filled room, and can clearly see perfectly fine, you can perfectly understand me.

 I'm done letting out unwritten tears, when the words are hard to find. And it's not like I have tried speaking before--I've done that. So, now these words have become unspoken tears. 

This heart holds memories closely and it breaks very easily. So, if my silence hits you dead front in center, this is how my heartfelt for so long. And now you're beginning to understand my heart-felt pain. 

Hearts attraction

Here come the rain but you will not catch me fall, I speak with my voice, and it's nothing but the truth. And not many people will ever get, how sincere my heart and soul is, until they see and hear with their own eyes and ears. So, I might as well  keep myself at peace and allow you to see things on your own.
 lately I've felt through the ringer, frustrated with multiple things in this mind. And I bear not to speak because competition will be at my feet. My life is nothing to battle over, it is what it is and there's nothing really special about it. So, please hold back on the me too and learn to just listen to me speak. Not many people don't understand when I speak, anxiety is clearly in view. But, it's really there because of you. Social anxiety keeps kicking my butt, and I always had trouble with speaking so it's nothing new.
  I'm out for the semester but this head is running on turbo to finish what I've started and, I'm not the type to drop out on anything, if my heart is holding stuck on doing something, you better believe this heart will go after it. College is definitely challenging me, and with that causing mental pain that most won't understand. So, I'm dealing with how to get my foot back in those doors because I have a goal from day one, and if you can clearly see I'm not done yet.
Here my mental status and its nothing sweet, I'm smart as a bee. But, there are a few hornets nest that's laying in my way. Some are clearly in disguise and, I can clearly see right through them. So, I'll hold a tough smile and keep on moving because I know what you're after and this is my life. So, let this woman get to the finish line.

💭 clarity

  I'm in need of this moment to find my peace and, some just don't clearly get the picture. So, I fumble through frustration while seeing all the things going on around me. So, I fill a clear glass cup with water, knowing this water will purify me... I see demonic entity and they sure don't like me. So, the hell with them as I continue to pin all these thoughts I get on the daily.
 I lay in my bed sober from all the toxic that's polluting everyone's judgment. am I the only one who can see clearly? Silence is the golden answer to protecting me... I don't have any room for debates.

  One day I will reach what I have always been yearning for, freedom and along with that will come freedom of speech. So, today like any other day, I stand for myself and what I firmly believe in. I'll fight in silence at times knowing God and his Angels are watching up above. So, my lips are sealed and allow God to take control. 

Pleat

  I'm looking up towards the clouds, knowing that where pain is no longer pain. And that doesn't really ease the pain. Therefore, I try to throw it out like a deck of cards. These words are not coming out clearly as they should, words flowing out like a child scribbling on paper. I'm not doing well. How did you miss it?

  This person who stands in front of me is emotionally broken. So, here I go writing every scene like it's a murder mystery and it's not in any particular order. She's twelve years old and standing alone, at least she thought until a group of people came bullying her for the use of her locker. 

Ugh the bullying entourage. Therefore, she opens her mouth to speak and the bullying entourage refuses to listen. listen clearly, Someone unexpected, spoken twice which alerted the principal. 

 She's always being pulled out of her comfortable zone. And she goes into a complete verbal shut down with a hint of fear hidden behind it. Don't ever get her wrong when she does speak because these words are true.

Communicating is her difficulty and it's for her place to put these things in words.

 She's finally an adult now and still dealing with emotional discomfort. Can she find her way out of feeling this way? She has found her escape in getting these words out. But, she still struggles with it at times. Like the lines in making a sharp crease in a pair of Jeans.

❤️ Open heart ❤️

  This is my heart prayer...this organ has been yearning for  years and sometimes it bring me to tears, reaching out for freedom without any human attachments. My girl,Kelly Clarkson, song it in her debut album,Thankful.
  I know some won't understand how this heart truly feels. And trying to speak up about it has become quite hard. So, if you don't understand how this heart feels, this will be the best time to express it, I'm a capable human being. But, its the fear of others who can't see pass my disability, no matter how hard I try, they seem to stay blindsided. This isn't my fear at all...I know what I'm capable of. So, there are times this heart knows, what it's up against. But, words don't want to be heard, nor watch from the sideline, to that I'm capable.
  Independent this heart screams, move back like you just entered a crime scene, I'm fully capable and can do things on my own. And just in case you didn't know, suffocation, is the best way to describe this.
  I need to be physically set free... this is really affecting me mentally. And this is how my heart truly feels... for years I have become someone else shadow.
  

💕Family love 💕

  Let me ask you this, why spread lies like peanut butter and jelly. And causing pain like no other amongst hearts of pedigree. I see the slytherin inside of you, and anxiety is on the rise, you can't stop this blood from talking to my true blood. My true blood is who I stand close by...if their hearts are in pain, you better believe I'll be quick to feel it. So,let me tell you this, jealousy can't be easily hidden away, nor can you try to hide it...it will have its way of coming out 

Pulse

   Here comes the rage against the fire, and this really has my heart numb---with every word that flows, there is no solid evidence. So, am I the only one who can't  douse out the flames. Especially, when it you who's the in pain. 

I will remain faithful and, stand as high as I can--- these eyes can definitely read the book of evil eyes.  your heart is made of fire. So, I know you will remain strong and, I know the truth is lying out there---right now this is the forbidden chapter. And you won't stand alone on this one. If dandelions can kill the grass, you can find your spark to drown out the evilness of those unfaithful stories.

Peaceful Heart

Here we go starting up into sky trying to figure out who the hell we are. Eyes become weak when they look into the distance, have you ever sat in silence to get the picture...if you sit in silence you will see a clearer picture. there's no time to be a witch who is set out to scorn, stop being hurtful and clean up your dirty words.

Heart of liberty

This heart has harmony and is synced with peace, it knows  how to protect itself. But, others want to disturb it. Like, the tainted ocean. So, you better not come near me. You can't force this heart out of its belief, nor hold it back from its destiny.

This heart strings are held on damn tight. So, you better not try to break its focus, or try to pin someone else's action upon this heart. If you can't handle the way this heart feels, it's time for your heart to learn, how I must feel...every tear does not equal sadness, and every laugh does not equal happiness. So, can you see how these two feelings can easily flip on you. Tears may rise during happiness, and laughter is used to hide the pain of a broken heart.

  This is where my heart has been, and now I must dust it off. So, I can keep on moving...I don't have time for people who hold jealousy in their soul. I'm who I am and won't change for anyone.

A child

Here is life coming from an unclear mind, you don't know where or when things will happen for you. You would rather settle into your bitterness and put the blame on someone else. 

A child who clearly has a problem, and is trying to do their very best, keeps getting pushed down like a stack of Domino's, the one who strives for the best of all they can do. And stumble over broken words, is the one who gets called out as a fool.

  A child should never have to dig, to find where their hearts truly lie because it should already know. But, once that barrier becomes broken and words are no longer spoken, their hearts no longer beat the same. You have attacked something that you will never get back. And at the end you have turned a child's emotions into bitterness towards you. 

 A child should have their defenses, even when it comes to words, allow them to speak... that's how stories are told. Don't ever silence the voice of a child, nor cause pain or unnecessary emotions in a child...their love will quickly dry up towards you.

🌍 Confession ♻

 I want to reach out to as many people as possible, this heart is genuine and does not hold anything back. I shed tears when I am feeling down, laugh when things are funny, why I even crack myself up sometimes. I'm a soul filled with a lot of emotions, and I know you are too.

 Fear gets the best of us sometimes, mostly when you don't expect it to. CoVID---19 has millions of people on the edge of their seats, and about half are staying cool and collective through the process. Can we ask  forgiveness, for all the things we have done? putting the blame on everything else around us. Do we deserve quarantine and for how long? America will be great again after, learning from these mistakes we all have made.

  Are you brave enough to own up to your mistakes, taking the garbage to its rightful place? Asking yourself small questions only you know the answers to. I know and see the changes I need to make. This is definitely the time to sit still and listen... we're the ones to blame for this. Mother earth has us all on punishment, you can see those who are obedient and the ones who are defiant.

 I feel deep within this heart, that we all will make it through this together, if only you do your part and stay safe.

Biography heart

  

This is a true story of the heart: it holds compassion for others and self, easily misjudged in many ways. So, voicing becomes not easy to some--- they have their own vision of this heart. I'm done pretending everything is fine, deep down inside. So, I have found my way of healing...I know what is right for this soul.

I have gone through a lot, and I'm still going through more, and honestly, I just want to literally mentally and physically escape from it all... this heart can't beat the same anymore. I know who cut this person that, I'm today, but mentally and physically, I see where I need to be. But, not many see these intentions of mine. So, they rather mentally pick at me to see a reaction, pulling things out about themselves, just to pin it on me. I'm now at my end and I am barely speaking, and I have alright... this heart treat's everyone the same. 😭

  This heart has always felt compassion a sense of jealousy from others. So, this isn't made up to tickle your fancy. This heart is pure and will remain pure. This is my heart biography❣️

Lean on me

Some days I feel like I'm losing it. And in the very back of my mind, I know everything is going just fine. But, that nagging voice utters otherwise. So, I reach out for support, the one I can truly count on, to make sure this voice is correct.

  Today is like no other day, I'm still smiling. But, I know there definitely is a shadow behind me. I chug up the tears because to others it's a sign of weakness.

 Can I walk where there are trees?...I know they can truly ease away my pain.

  Can I reach my hand out? Like to play tug-a-war, only there is no tugging back.

 

  Can you tell me that you will be there any time of day when I really need you? Some can consider this to be selfish. But, in reality we all need that one shoulder to lean on because this pain can become unbearable at times.

 

   So, Can I count on you to be there, when I need someone to lean on?

 I need to feel like the wind can lift me because all the weight has left me. But, do know that both my feet are still on the ground?

 
 
  

Center

  In life you will come across puddle.

  In life you will come across steeps.

  In life you will come across happiness.

  In life you will come across pain.

  And when all else fail, find your inner peace and come back to reality.

 You get to choose, your reaction and how you respond.

 And this is my response to pain, being calm, now you can do the same.

Inseparable heart

This  heart is too damn contiguous, it loves to easily, looking for that special someone... this heart is not meant to be alone. I live in a state that needs to escape. So, where is the rhythm that can make this heart stay in tune.
Hearts with similar traits, is exactly what this heart needs, someone who  looks pass the outer shell is what this heart is yearning for.
  

Carolina road

Baby doll come lie your head down on daddy shoulder now, and allow your tears to take over...pain isn't for you to hold onto

And just so you know, daddy sure does love you. 

daddy sure does love you

daddy sure does love you

daddy sure does love you

    I'm walking into a low-key bar, asking can I get a shot of whiskey and rum, with the scent of your perfume on my coat, ha-ha the bartender turned around and said: who are you kidding now. Its me your sweet old baby girl. Like, the scent of my cigarettes couldn't cover up, what scent was left on your jacket now.

  So, she winked and turned, and smiled sarcastically and said: who is daddy's little girl now...the sent on your jacket sure as hell ain't mines.

  I never thought once in a blue moon, I would ever catch you here, nor would you be the one to serve me, whisky and rum. Now I guess it's time to call shot-gun... daddy sure does love you. So, I guess I'll order up  one more round of whiskey and rum, before I walk out on you now.

Daddy never thought to do you wrong. But, I shall take all the blame for, the hell I've done to you. So, I won't get that last kiss goodnight, nor a good hug good-bye.

 I want you to always know, daddy always will love you forever...you are these strings to my guitar. So, this is my last goodbye... daddy sure does love you.

daddy sure does love you.

... daddy sure does love you.

 So, I guess I will not be taking you home tonight.

Vibe nation

If you could only choose the color of, every emotions that takes place, it would be the color of shattered glass. Now I leave you to ponder on that note...Many emotions can have multiple shades. So, don't bring me back to yesterday or any other day. I want to remain peaceful in this moment, and doing my best to leave negative people, and feeling a lone. This is the vibe I have chosen to carry through out this life. Therefore, don't try to damper my pride.

Truth reveals

  Silence surely does hurt when it comes to unspoken words... your heart can only handle so much. But, when it comes to finding the space to release, keeping it all in your head is never enough, causing nothing but flashbacks and broken tears. Man, what I'm I doing here? I see my purpose in life but, getting it is hard. Therefore, it's better when I put it into words.

  Living With a disability isn't easy when you have other conditions too. Yeah to the blue and white placard, there's nothing to become hype about. I rather park somewhere else. But, I'm not the one behind the wheel. I have been broken for a few days now, trying to gather all my thoughts in my head.

  I never look towards death... I know that is not the answer. I need space and I need freedom. I'm done with being connected at your hip, I'm me and this is who I'm.

  I have tried multiple times to voice my needs. And it just goes in one ear and out the other, damn when will it ever seep in. So, I rather build metal on a stone wall... You never want to see the best in me at all.

  A child who has a lot of potential, and will rise to the top...these eyes are tired of seeing things, and can't speak face to face...you really can't get a word in. So, throughout these years, I know where your heart truly lies and, I will do perfectly fine.

Sierra

  Have you ever sat and wondered about life and why your heart is still beating? This is a road no one should ever take; it's the devil's Russian roulette.

Tears upon tears and scars upon scars, this is sure to be one hell of a ride. This bridge shall burn because this soul holds on to hurtful memories. And it just can't take it anymore. So, here comes the voice of who I'm going to be... It's that time of year when I'm going to break free. So, I don't care who you are, or what you want from me... I have held back far too long, and now it's all about my destiny. Therefore, it's time for me to choose my destiny. 

 Sierra I don't mean to hurt you. But, this heart isn't made of gold; it breaks quite easily and holds on to things. Like a European viper when it has enough. So, I won't stick around for your deepest apologies. I have heard it all once before. 

Here are the simplest things I deeply need from you: I'm done with having my heart bleed out on the floor. This heart is calling out for independence. But you want to keep my heart tethered to the chain.Now I'm thinking about leaving... this heart is bleeding furiously. So, Sierra doesn't need to hear any more apologizes... I have heard these words all before. I just need to pack my things and go.

Soulmate

I hold your pictures close to my heart... distance is really tearing me apart. I'm wishing to see and hear, your blue eyes and sweet voice Serenade me again.
 I'm missing those days sitting out on the porch, with my head lying against your shoulder. And the smell of freshly made breakfast, and clean linen waffling in the air. Please only tell me this is only a dream, and I'll  find my match in heaven some day... I'm looking for my blue eye soul. Please do tell me: you're out there looking for your brown eyes honey... either skin complexion matters to you and me.
 It's the continuous flow of the heart and soul, that draws my connection to you. And I know you feel the same way too. So, I hope you are having the same vision too, a soul that doesn't see on the outter appearance. But, only looks from the inside out... that's what draws us close. 

Creative Mind and Soul

I could only imagine what abandonment feel like, a hole left in the ground, never to come back to cover it up, it's like a deep open cut sore. How can I place creativity in this mix? Creativity is always on the surface. Like, thoughts are away flowing, some come in as good and bad, this is how creativity can be taken in a nutshell, thoughts thrown on paper, canvas anything you name. These are expression turned into creativity, through the mind and soul.

Poetry Corner:

I want to help open your eyes, on what you have finished reading.First I want to say that, Creative Mind and Soul is a group of mines, and its based on all kinds of creativity. Like, Film, Screenwriter, writing in general, if you have the talent, you can be creative. So, this poem is about looking at an object, or seeing something different, and how it can be seen as the same. If that actually makes sense to you, I hope it does.